Whenever I have time to think deeply, I would either think of what happened in the past or have my personal thoughts in general. The latter would often consist of my opinions on shows, people and issues. At times, I have a sudden burst of ideas about a story plot! I particularly love it when that happens because I could not wait to turn those thoughts into written form.
That aside, whenever I think about what happened in that past, for some situations, I thought of why I did not react a certain way and thought 'what if...I had reacted differently?' and to that question, 'would that have changed anything?'. I am a person who zones out, even when talking with other people. I have a hard time giving my undivided attention all the time so I only do so in situations where I have to be absolutely focused. Even so, I am an introvert so I have a limited time on how much time I am able to socialize before my battery eventually runs out and I have to recharge. So there are times where I wondered if I had been fully attentive back then, I would have been able made a better quip and shut the other person up. You see, there are times in the past where people uttered some incriminating comments towards me that I did not accept but I just tolerated because I did not want to escalate the issue and also could not come up with a smart comeback on time.
So, as a result, these particular memories would come rushing back to me from time to time and made me wish that I had snapped back at those people. That wish would grow so intense and strong that I automatically frown and even forgot about the music that I was listening to at that time, if I was listening at that time of reminiscing. But thinking about it, maybe giving some sort of comeback at them would indeed satisfy me, obviously the other party would not be feeling too happy about being sassed at and consequently, they would start blacklisting me and badmouthing me every time they got. And those situations happened when I was currently studying in school so I could not risk such saying such sassy comments without suffering some consequences like having people rolling their eyes at me and spreading slander about me. It would be a childish thing for them to do but it would become troublesome and irritating to me as time lets on. So, in a way, I'm glad that I didn't lose my composure but at the same time, I still wondered what would be the consequence if I had stood up for myself.
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